“It is important to not just recognize the “WHAT” but the “WHY”. Asking, “What is wrong to an adolescent?” is only half the question.” A parent wants to immediately solve the problem without understanding. It is our job to listen, empathize, and not solve the problem, but be part of the solution.

As early as elementary school, kids view style as an indicator for acceptance and confidence. Peers, social media and celebrity influence wardrobe decisions. As physical and mental development progress, style can become a source of stress. Seeking out personal identity and fearing rejection, tweens, teens, and young adults feel enormous pressure.

We can go back and fourth debating the role of fashion and style on a child’s life. Am I teaching my child materialism or creative expression? Whether we like it or not style factors into personality and esteem. Your child’s style is a tool and can provide answers to questions you cannot get from them. Learning about their wardrobe choices can show us their interests, current mind-set and most importantly be a doorway to a greater relationship.

As a parent, we have the ability to assist them achieve their desired aesthetic. I was 12 years old and the movie Clueless defined adolescent culture. Alicia Silverstone was the image of perfection, and for me imitating the standard seemed impossible. Why could I not be a teen in the 80s when perms were in? As for my body, that did not check the boxes either. Girls my age shopped at Contempo Casuals, a store comparable to today’s Brandy Melville. This was not an ideal store for my body type, and only brought rejection and an a lack of confidence.

I was fortunate my mother understood my frustration. She began to take me shopping at stores she knew I would like, and flatter my figure. I began to make choices based on my personal taste rather than my peers. My mother was smart, she could have saved a lot of time and easily brought a bag of clothes of home, hoping her selection would work. Instead she had become one of my influences and a major character in my style story.